September 10th, 2007 (1:07 PM) – I’ve finally come to a conclusion that parents are just lame….they say stuff you don’t like, you get mad / sad / w/e and you say stuff you don’t like, they get mad / sad / w/e, than what’s the point @ all? they’re going against your thoughts and opinions and you go against theirs….it becomes neutral hence meaning that the whole thing was pointless to begin with and there’s really nothing to be mad/sad about

general ppl on ad’s, teachers, guest speakers in your school most likely tell you that you should go for your own dreams, goals and do that "change" thing…well, I’ve seen a lot of tv shows, and real life situations and most of the changes occur when a) you have gf b) something significant event occurred to you (or family / friends) c) you actually found something you are interested in……..geez, it hate this

Sept. 7th, 2007 (8:06 PM) – today, I learned a few new things about myself… I hate to be pressured and/or rushed & when this happens, it seems that I lose my chain of thought and forget things….geez, this sucks -_-, earlier, when my bro called the 2nd time, my dad was knocking on the glass of the front door asking "WHO IS IT WHO IS IT" just before he left to pick up my bro, and during that time, my bro was telling me which and where location wise, because of the consistent knocking, I couldn’t even hear properly and wasn’t calm enough to ask to confirm it, geez, I hate getting hasty -__-

Sept. 5th, 2007 (10:51 AM) – man -_-, my mind wonders a hell lot when I’m not mapling / watching anime

for the past 8 yrs, my family never notice my own goals when it’s pretty much in front of them…every game that I’ve played on my ps1/ps2 I always have a certain goal…a) beat the game / get to lv99 b) find the fastest way and get pro items c) beat my own record if there’s a time (FF7-9, chrono trigger, tales of destiny 1&2, Dynasty Warriors 4, MegaMan.etc)

I realize my own strength and weaknesses on the 1st day I started playing games (i started playing games that involved tactics as RPG when I was about 8 (way back when the old Master Sega & Sega Genesis was popular)

in gr9, I realized something that I can never change, no matter how hard I’ve tried…in order for me to succeed in something, I first had to finish my goal of "video gaming", it’s ironic but yeah, everyday I would go home, open tv, turn on ps1 on FF7 and play everyday and tell my parents "no homework" when of course, it’s a lie lol, when I reached my 2 goals which was reach lv99 & beat own old timing and reach to the last boss with pro items I stopped my "video gaming" instantly and started doing all the work @ school and never even had any homework

you can say that I never focus in school & work when I have my mind-set on something for video games, I’ll never quit that until I’m done, but when it’s all done, school & work is the next priority I suppose

I also realized that some of my rl friends noticed my goal and all that stuff lol, one of em told me "damn man, if you use all this stuff in school & work, damn, you’re gonna own" lol I told him "yeah I know"

Sept. 2nd, 2007 (1:17 AM) – Today wasn’t such a good day, after a long lecture, I was about to tell MapleStory guild not to piss me off and as I went back on vent, when I was about the press the 0 key (my talk hotkey) I hear Dorian logging on and on, making about 8 of himself on vent and then I guess dan asked him cause he was in the lobby with Dorian, and a few seconds later, daniel logged on with 10 other accounts pn vent, man, what a way to make my day -__- I got pissed, left the vent on mute mode, in my own little room and left the guild so I wouldn’t cause any trouble/release my anger on the wrong ppl, therefore, I opened winamp and started my usual singing and then I felt e hell lot better lol

August 31st, 2007 (11:02 PM) – it’s been a month since I wrote something! WOW =p
been on maple so long already and didn’t notice x_x
well, the past week was fun, picking up my cousins of my grandparents
near the end of the airport ride, my grandmother had to go washroom & my mom / grandfather had to go find my aunt and my dad was driving the car around making sure we don’t get a ticket
but yeah, I had to hold my grandmothers hand and slowly walk her over to the airport and find the washroom inside
while we found the washroom, I had to bring my grandmother to the girl/women’s washroom and the lady cleaning the girl’s washroom stared @ me and said "are you a women?" and I said "no, but my grandmother is and she needs to go to the washroom badly, unless you wanna help, but she doesn’t know you so, I have no choice" and then I just walked in, women in there walking out smiled @ me while I walked my grandmother inside and I’m like "sorry everyone, I don’t mean to come in, my grandmother needs help" and then I helped her and then my mom saw me inside and told me to go so she can take over lol
and then another 3 relatives came the next day (on sunday) and till this afternoon at around 3 pm, they explored Toronto and Markham, they went to eaton centre to pacific mall and all sorts of restuarants…goddddd, speaking of those, I’ve been going out for lunch + dinner for the past week, I’m so sick of outside food now -___-, but it wasn’t so bad, I got money from them, they gave me some lol
$120 american =p
in this week I also reached my goal of lv70 hp dragon knight on MapleStory
Today? was a neutral day……@ 1st depressed & sad and now all happy happy =p man, that made my day, teaching someone chinese and then bringing back a memory long ago that some dude was like TEACH ME CHINESE in class and some classmate was like "F-eye dee chuew saam" LOL and the classmate was like "go to a chinese girl and say that" and the dude learning was trying to get the accent right, going up to classmate girls telling em to F-eye dee chuew saam lol, he even yelled it in class from randomness LOL
good old days……

July 30th, 2007 (10:16 PM) – mad? sad? bad? depressed? worried? scared? confused?

way too many emotions…mad cause I just got into an argument with dad
sad cause I dunno what I can do
bad cause I dunno what direction to lean on
…..what can i do…?


it’s been awhile since i even logged on to myspace! and right when i log on i see 2 ppl’s b-days! happy b-day you two!!
anyways, for the past month…i’ve literally been through some tough times yet good times too….i remember when joe couldn’t handle it and wanted to give up so badly…& i tried so hard to get him not to lose hope….and crystal…well….i tried too…but didn’t work out as i thought it would…i ended up with this…what/how should i say….emptiness and and..depression? o.O that i felt deep inside of me…something i never felt before..and..wanting to cry so bad……bbbbbuuuuuttttttttt good thing that things were solved and now their both their usual selves…….time pass and now……although shin told me nothing is wrong….i know something is wrong o.O…..if he doesn’t wanna tell me it’s fine =p, i’ll just MMOB and hope that things go well ASAP
my warrior is now lv61 yay! 54.04% too! yayay! 845.96% to go!! LOL DAMN WHAT A BIG FUCKING PERCENTAGE…..AAHHHHHHHHHHHH

July 13th, 2007 (4:15 PM) – went outside for awhile to chill out, brang my mp3 player out..blast music, sing along like a give a damn if ppl stare >_>
just came home and the battery just died 5 secs before i entered my door lol
but i feel a hell lot better then earlier ^_^
good cool wind, not hot nor cold, just the perfect breeze =)

1:43 PM – lots of shit has been going on
MS & real life
i really need a break from it all….
every yr during june/july is when i seem to get emotional the most…mmm..maybe it’s something that i regret doing…and still can’t let go..and then a bunch of more recent stuff..
the moment i overcome something, something new arises…
some say it’s "just a coincidence" about my whole childhood life… and others say it’s fate & destiny….yeah…i was told the whole story now…and…it’s not exactly pleasent @ all…afterall…my imagination…is extremely strong…
if you asked me…i won’t have a clue if it’s coincidence or fate….
i really need to stop thinking about all these

July 8th, 2007 (1:15 PM) – lmao, yesterday was a really fun day…tons of "entertainment" along laughing….man, i haven’t laughed that hard ina fucking long time….hey hey hey, it’s not my fault you guys started it >_< "oohhhhh yyeeahhhhhh" :D:D LMAO
the day ended with me, my bro and his gf watch "transformers" a series that i literally grew up with…since the good old series "beasties" or some calling it " Beast wars" and started evolving
but yeah, today isn’t such a good day >_> more of parents lecturing and there "teachings" of how i should change and what i should change..i’ll tell you straight it…it’s the same shit over and over "you should say thank you for this, that with this aditude and not that aditude" man..they don’t understand that i can adapt "outside" home on my own
the ironic thing is my "home" personality is totally different when i’m out with friends/work/cousins….and the funny thing is…they think they know everything about david (my childhood/family friend) enjoying work, dun like games and all that……when i was out with him last time with his friend rany….that whole idea was completely opposite…
man…i live my life as an observer..i know how ppl act around myself and around other ppl…i use to tag along with my friends that live around me just to see how ppl act, do things, say things and all that..i see and know alot of things…i’m just quiet cause that’s how i am…i watch, listen, be quiet and learn

July 3rd, 2007 (12:27 PM) – new photos uploaded in MapleStory pic folder…(here and myspace)
man…2 days ago (Canada Day) i went Downtown Toronto to visit a childhood friend and damn, he changed a hell lot, not only his appearance, but voice and personality changed too…lol, in front of his mom (and my parents) he’s like "i like work and i’m going to look for one" but when we were out (along with his friend, so i tagged along rather then staying with parents) as soon as we walked to the elevator going down "i rather play video games then job search" i’m thinking "LOL exactly what i thought he would say" Toronto is a much busier place then we walk from Weslley to about jarvis / church area walking in and out of stores, david (my childhood friend) & rany (i believe that’s what i heard, his friend) giving their resumés..david made the most lol, rany only made bout 8 we walked and walked..and then we came to this "sex store" kinda see like displays of bras and such..david was EXCITED and so he ran into the took a while…and when he came out he said "SHIT, THERE’S A WHOLE SECTION OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONDOMS" and then he said "the ppl on the counter told me ‘does your grandmother know where you work? make sure she doesn’t cause she’ll pull you out of the store, this happened before’ " we all laughed so then we walked and walked..and eventually came to Eaton’s Centre, the largest mall in we stayed there for awhile and we all were hungry….so we went to mc donalds lmao..i had no money so david paid for me, which he didn’t mind doing either..he said "i’ll pay for you if you dun tell my mom" i’m like "sure, no problem" so we ate there..chatted for awhile..then rany’s friend came along (which i don’t know his name) then he came up to mc donalds….talked for abit and then we all walked to the theatre…rany’s friend (a different one) worked there, so he got us in for FREE (yup you heard me free, from $8 to none) the movie was "Die Hard 4" it was pretty damn good…i must admit >_> even though i haven’t seen the 1st 3 the 4th one was pretty intense already >_>
so yeah…when the movie was done, i called parents to pick us up, dropped them off at their apartment and then we headed home…by then it was around 9:15 pm…so when we were 10-15 mins away from home, we heard fireworks, so we pulled into some plaza and parked there to watch, i walked outside to watch instead was literally 2 fireworks at was pretty damn amazing. one firework station was on the tip of the left eye on the left and the 2nd was on the tip of the right eye to the right….damn..what an awesome experience >_>

June 26th, 2007 (8:43 AM) – well well well….
only 2 days until graduation ( (8) as we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together, as our change, from whatever, we will still be, friends forever (8) )
but yeah…i still need 8.5 community service hours or i won’t graduate…-.- i’ll prolly go back to my elementary school to ask if i can help for hours

June 15th, 2007 (10:53 PM) – today’s the last day of work… feels like i was just here yesterday >_>…time goes pretty damn fast..just like that..bout 6 months has past
well, i’ll be back on normal school schedule next monday till the end of the month

June 14th, 2007 (2:20 PM) – lol, man…i got so freaking bored, i used Adobe Photoshop @ work and made a signature for myself on maple lol..the signature i had was wayy too long x.x so i decided to make my own…this is how it came out =)

Well, nexon was a big fail as of yesterday…lol…it patched…and then let ppl play…then emergency server check..which took over 3 hrs extended…and once you get back on…bout 5 mins…in game said "Notice: Please log off safely, server check will begin in 5 mins", man, got my excited to OPQ for the whole day…so i thought "fuck it"…so…i went GB-ing with shin & brian on my newly created character on ijji…too bad i couldn’t transfer stuff from my old one lol..i have a hell lot of avatars xP
man was it fun..from owning ppl to owning my own team lmao….this girl kept shooting at me….and i kept loosing my angle…and then this noob teammate drops infront of me….making my hooks a failure and hitting him instead..and then lmao, my pro boomer shot that bunged a teammate, i made it fun since it was my last game LMAO and was about to sleep, turns out it was already 1:50 this morning
so here i am now at work………2nd last day….oh, i uninstalle vent from this comp and ima uninstall msgnr tomorrow since it’s my last day of work..

June 13th, 2007 (9:19 AM) – yeah…i’m at work now..just arrived not too long ago…3rd last day of work..and then it’s done..cmon jim! YOU CAN DO IT! (of course i can, not like i have a choice >_>)
lol, just as expected, maplestory patch delayed…..i wouldn’t be surprised…i even posted on sw that there’s delay when it’s done….patches have never been on time…well, my hp warrior hit 51..finally >_>, took..uhhh….3 months O_O oh well lol, with that said, i need to do all the quests in vic before going to orbis party questing, since one of my quests requires going back to orbis to finish, might as well let that quest be the last one…
lmao, shin, if i ever reach 190 with this warrior, i’d be a mad fucking patient dude lol, but honestly, i calculated hp count, without hb, hp warriors will have 30k hp by lv200…so i doubt they will change the cap…unless they want 5th job+ lol..well, it’s a good idea anyhow to add str, since spearmans don’t have Power Guard, i guess i’ll add str to be able to hit more dmg to DWB, since my acc can already it it no problem lol…by lv70, i’ll have about 135, when i get the zhelm, i might just scroll my pole arm and get/borrow a str cape & 8-10 atk wg from ppl if anyone has
well, i did more calculations (yes at work cause i’m so bored since i’ve uploaded all of the new pages that i made -.-), seems like for lv95, i’ll have the same str as a normal lv70 dk/spearman
*eats 3 pieces of cake* man i’m so bored…maybe i should talk more about maple and…..and………………………….

June 12th, 2007 (3:35 PM) – man…not a good day
Current mood: angry
Category: :@ :@!! Blogging
man…i hate this…no wonder i got sick
ok..the company main office is avg temperature
the small room to the left of me has AC which is fucking mad cold and then the cleanroom to the left of that room is fucking hot…..basically, i’m in 3 different temperature on a normal basis (well, this started when summer came which was a while ago)
from warm – cold – hot – cold – warm…no wonder i’m geting fucking sick
sorry if i sounded harsh earlier to some people x.x

June 6th, 2007 (2:47 AM) – mmmmm
06 / 06 – Christians say it’s devils day…..exactly a yr ago o_O since we like to use short terms (06 instead of 2006)
it was devils day at 06/06 /06 at 6 o’clock 6 mins and 6 secs -.-, i’m buddhist and i’m not really that religious….so…if you asked me..i would’ve said "oh well, just a normal day" besides, i only go temple / pray on important dates (CNY / great-grandparent’s death’s day and what not) otherwise, it doesn’t involve me & my bro much -.-
well, i have no clue if it’s still DD for Christians as of today…so i wouldn’t know at all

June 4th, 2007 (9:06 AM) – today, 1st thing in the morning, my parents asked "what did jase (my brother) tell you to do yesterday?" it seems my brother hasn’t been home all night +_+! he told me to divert his cell (which is turned off cause he told me to) to his gf’s cell (which apparently no one picked up
so basically my parents is worried (all parents are like this if you dun call back home to say where you’re going, unless…well, that’s off-track -.-)
so yeah, i didn’t get to hand an assignment cause of it….totally forgot i had to hand in…oh well, i didn’t even do it lol…matters not…im prolly gonna get like a 50-60 in this course -.-, *sigh* too many distractions this semester..and it had to be near the end of the semester too..such bad coincidence
well, jase is 24, i’m pretty sure he knows how to take care of himself so i wouldn’t need to worry that much

June 1st, 2007 (10:11 AM) – it’s the morning..bout 9:05 & i just arrived to work -.-
mmm…something isn’t right with me….i felt this film or w/e in my throat, so i tried to spit it out, turns out it was blood and then i had a nose bleed seems both sides of my nose had blood…i have no clue why…there was never any blood yesterday…well, i’m ok now so no worries ^_^
ever get the lectures of "cut computer this, cut the internet that if dun sleep earlier this, blah blah blah"? well..that’s exactly what i get as usuals in the mornings…i got so use to that and the normal feeling of discomfort that i slammed the door without knowing dad was like "why are you slamming the door for?" (btw, it’s sort of a new van) me: i didn’t, but it’s not only mornings, but it’s talked about pretty much in lunch, dinner or just randomly too…man, no wonder my bro use to go out so much, to avoid parents from lecturing
anyways!! i’m bored F3, i think my supervisor went out again somewhere o_o, i think i heard something about me learning how to do some shipping from Andy, the shipper/receiver
oh oh! i just remembered a photograph of family and a bunch of random was a pic of entering the emerald dome of thailand..& i remember myself being far apart
me—> 1 2 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 2 (1 – my family, 2’s random ppl in tours)
maybe this shows that even i, am different from my family…i dunno o_o i’ve been hella thinking about the Tarot card stuff i tried 2-3 yrs ago..and holy fuck it was "dead perfect" about my past, present (on that current time), my interests & all that stuff…truth is, i was freaked out back then lol, i couldn’t believe that one little card can mean that much
well, i dun remember the name of the card now, but it was water element, and it was basically a partly naked girl/female (yes, it really was, i swear) it was the upper basically the boobs/tits/breasts (so yes, i lost my so called "virgin eyes" here) and my teacher read the info on it..and it said something like this :
You are able to intact with your feminine side. You are emotional yet optimistic. You are quiet most of the time because you’ve been hurt in the past. You may be lamb on the outside, but on the inside you’re a furious lion. You like to help friends with problems, whether it’s relationship with family or gf / bf. For those who know the true person that you are, they will keep you close on their side.You can be pretty easy-going most of the times. You don’t get along with family that often and that will be a problem later on.
& the rest, i dun remember lol…there was more…maybe i should ask my teacher…she had the tarot deck & book -.-…’s 10:02 now lol…almost 1 hr now x.x oh well!
it’s now 1:07 pm and i just finished lunch….mmmm,….yummy ^_^
lol, interesting enough, my co-workers actually play Wii games lol, they were discuss that there was a BBQ and one person did all the BBQ work while the others played Wii games like golf, soccer, jogging and such lol
man, i can’t wait to get to alex’s house again! Wii FTW!

May 29th, 2007 (1:49 PM) – during sunday, i spent pretty much started my whole career board assignment and finished it lol…i was suppose to start when ever i got the board (3 weeks ago) but you know meeeee…..i’ma pro procrastinator lol for my own reasons =)…but apparently…yesterday, i met someone who was more pro then me!! his board consisted only 4 pieces of normal size paper with no pics, only manditory instructions lol (this use to be me, me and him were famous for incomplete works and last minute work)…he told everyone "i just woke up and remembered it was due, it took me 30 secs to do this, WATCH IM GONNA WIN FOR THE BEST BOARD" lol….xDD surprisingly, HE DID LOL jking xDDD
all co-op classes (3 classes, 4 credits, morning 2 credits and afternoon 2 credits), we were all like "YEAH MAN YOU’RE GONNA WIN FOR SURE LOL"
our teacher said our boards had to stand out…and lmao, his stood out alright xDD you see all these boards with such color & creativity and then this board that’s white (default board color) with 3 letters at the top and 4 pieces of standard size paper just cut and pasted

May 24th, 2007 (11:24 AM) – man….yesterday was my "Co-op Career Board" deadline and i didn’t finish it…it’s been so hard to focus in general already…oh well….i just lost 10% of my mark it seems…sigh…if only i could focus better..
well, today is a different day for my company, ot seems the montreal branch came down and my supervisors are in a meeting with em, it’s been almost 3 hrs and woot, 30 mins until lunch….but anyways lol, i was surfing around myspace blogs and been on youtube watching "Scary Movie" series and lmao here in the back while they discuss business stuff in the front table…i also found the video that shin gave me to look at about 4th job classes @ skelegons (i think?) and i found all job classes available..hence the new video posted! 😀

May 14th, 2007 (11:04 PM) – damn….it has been just horrible…i couldn’t focus school, got a headache during luncg time and it lasted until bout 9-10 pm…i’m like…barely hold on…so much stuff going on…school-work…work-work…family stuff…me = no freedom…geez..i’m gonna blow -.-…..i had to find shows on tv to make me laugh lol..and i did..and holy fuck did that help -.-
overall, i’m not so one in family understands me, i tried explaining…just didn’t help..they’re even thinking of cutting off my computer and make brother d/c me from the internet…the only resource i depend on to help me release anger/happiness/depression…..i bet 100%, that if that does happen…ima be at my lil park area everyday..skipping work and/or school..and going home late..or always going out…
and i’m PRETTY SURE, that all of guild will continue supportin me….thx all….

May 10th, 2007 (4:54 PM) – o_o i dunno what to say but casual day at work – do some work, then be bored, more work, bored.etc lol..well…guess i;ll continue my photos at

May 9th, 2007 (7:20 AM) – sigh, why does my dad ALWAYS think that the one and ONLY best way to get someone to improve is to piss them off and use that anger to improve? i’m not like my brother. yes my brother (and the majority) of tvb and perhaps other people in the world can do that
but, i also know other peoeple who is also like me and sometimes yelling lectures doesn’t REALLY help when you’ve been put down for 7-8 yrs of their lives. lectures to me now is like a regular day of talking and i didn’t realize this until today
from what i believe, and i’m not the only one who thinks this, is that there will be a point in life when all this changes…i’ve like, heard tons of stories of teacher’s past life or presentations and perhaps even they would agree because it’s basically th same as theirs. one of my teacher’s in my school, he always wanted 50’s in classes, didn’t like school and he just wanted to have fun (exactly like me) and then when he was around 22, he started getting serious and got his masters degree and what not….and this dude that came to my school as a special guest to "talk" about it…well, he on the other end, turned exactly poor when he went to europe and he used all his he down to like a chocolate bar (at the age of 28) and he had a guitar. so then at that point, he had no choice but to change…and like he says’s like a boot or boost…and it will vary from people to people, time to time….
lol, and then my dad was saying how i use to have my alarm set to like 7 in the morning and i was good and all that stuff, he doesn’t realize i did that because i chose to walk with kim in the mornings to school (not the kim in our guild >.>), but since she’s out of school now and she has work, how am i suppose to walk with her? >.< sigh whatever…
and the weirdest thing is that i have my own "goals" and such..and i pretty much stand by it’s like a promise that i keep to myself…i never really liked talking about it in real life…if i did, i would never do it until it’s like my last resort…. dad told me if i used the strategy i use for games (looking for walkthroughs and info) i would be like, really really good….i knew that like AGES ago before he even needed to tell me…but unlike games, information are a hell lot easier to read, understand and to preform…like the good old gameboy up arrow + a, that’s so common sense, but if it like fucking scholarly journals that are from professionals FOR OTHER professionals and the reading level is like fucking level 20 or something and i can only understand like 1/4th of the fucking thing, how the hell am i going to use "commen sense" or even be able to read and understand it..even if i used my best effort, it’ll be hard when you only know a quarter of like 23 fucking pages of complex and advanced information
to be quite honest…it was about to yell back at him and then we would have the same old bullshit conversating arguements….so i just ignored it instead and responsed with "yup yup, good for him/her/you/them" in the tone of "i dun give a fuck"..honestly..i’m sick of it…i’ve taken like 7 yrs of that bullshit how wouldn’t i be able to be like "neutral" or "natural" in cases like this
my dad thinks that i took this co-op course purposely and was like WHY ARE YOU TAKING IT, IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU MONEY yeah..respond with "I DIDN’T THAT FUCKING ANNOYING TEACHER THAT KEEP TALKING TO YOU DID"? geez…and it’s true…my fucking monitoring teacher gave me this course and "recommended it" on my fucking report…geez, now i fucking regret it, i should have dropped it with my classmate when everyone in my class before said "no, don’t take it, it’s fucking boring, you only get credits" and blah blah….*sigh*
ok..from now on, i’m going with my instincts and listening to my classmates when i ask about a fucking courses…
i’ll be honest too, i’m 19 – i can’t bike, rollerblade or drive yet…i prefer walking more than anything…..walking actually calms me down from shit like this…and also going to my park with trees around and ponds around….it’s not that i’m scared of those things..i really have no interest on them at all..
lol..i remember someone doing a survey of boys who are interested in cars in my school..and in the survey was like 545 guys said yes and i’m like "nope, not me" this dude stares at me like "what the fuck, dude, you’re abnormal" i saw the results and he must have used the same expression on the other person who said no lol..glad i wasn’t the only one >_<
but yeah…i’m going to go chill by the park again -.-, it’s ccccaaalllmmmmiiinnnggg with different birds chirping and making different noises o_o…so yes, i’ma nature type of person
the park is always my spot when i’m pissed off or depressed..
lol..well…i just spent…let’s seee….almost 2 hrs writing this (there goes 2 hrs of my boredness at work lol)..least it helps <_< better than my past, keep everything inside ;_; it’s ppaaaiinnfffuulll..oh and singing also helps me calm down o_o lol…so yyyeeeaaahhhh~~~ it’s annoying
lol…i talk to myself sometimes..and..i just realized i can put myself down and cheer myself up lol…iiii”’mmmmm wwwwiiiiieeeeerrrrrdddd~~~~

May 8th, 2007 (11:49 AM) – bbbbboooooorrrrreeeddddd….uploaded a few pics lol…aaanndddd i found some old pics o_o on home comp, i’ll upload when homeeeee

May 7th, 2007 (11:39 AM) – yesterday was sssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooo much fun holy crap
it was basically about 20 hrs of LPQ-ing……i never had pqed that many times and that long on my MapleStory lifetime!!! =ooo
the 1st leader had AC and got in like 5-6 times straight in ch1…and then i left party for lunch and when i came back, i tracked her and she was in crack lol and then she missed cause someone didn’t know how to bonus-rush…..(i leveled to 42 and was about 28%) and then i joined another party….a noob one lol..with a leader that was only good in clicking and not on the actual PQ
so we did 2…and the 2nd one got through to aishler, which we couldn’t kill (party of 1 48, a few 42’s and lower) here i was at about 32-34% so i left the party and joined drew’s pq with bobbie x2 lol and kris x2 also lol and from here I got alll the exp and had 99.25%!! (dreww!! why did you miss one!? lol THAT ONE WOULD HAVE MADE ME LEVEL lol…it’s trueeeeee xD) oh well lol
i forgive you mr. godly fingers / human AC!!! this was about 12:15 am lol so i left this party being sad not leveling lol…and joined another one to level…and i did just that 😀 and i left to mage go to "another enterance"or whatever…to help SOMEONE COMPLETE THE DUMB THING WITH LIKE 5/6 MORE SPIRIT ROCKS!!!! lol……….by the time i reached there, it was time for me to sleeeep lol….and then here i am now…at work as usual -.-

May 3rd, 2007 (5:48 PM) – holy mother fucker
that scared me to death….i saw one of the wires burn out on the traffic lights, the grey ones that hook up to main powers…and it burned out and the wire was left hanging….drifting back-and-forth motion
i ran my ass off away from that ASAP
those sparks almost hit me T_T

May 1st, 2007 (3:21 PM) – yesterday was the most rather bad day..
for the 1st time ever, i actually felt something horrible because i saw my dad, whole body had red dots everywhere and he was talkin ina very low voice, saying his heart/chest was hurting so badly, he had trouble breathing….and trust me..i hardly ever feel anything towards things…sometimes happiness & sadness…most of my feelings are natural/neutral…
my brother took his work day off and so did my mom and took my dad to the hospital…i wanted to go but my mom said "go to school, try to, i know you care, but just try" of course i tried at school, 85% of the time i was worried, although i made it look like i was really listening, i was actually selective listening…and then..everything just went "right ear in, left ear out" before i knew it
still dunno the problem, but for sure it was the chest pain….today is the chest-checkup day….i hope nothing major is up…

April 25th, 2007 (8:57 AM) – yeah! uploaded images at work! (on myspace) (well, i uploaded somewhere before lol, not saying where =o) it’s just re-saving at work comp and uploading =D
lol, i’ll upload more as i go through the galleries =D (yeah, i’m really confused with animal names now lol)
ok, i BELIEVE i finished fixing all my grammer and spellings from my long ass old diary posts that i made lol…yeahhh… bored and hungry…..-.-

April 24th, 2007 (10:51 AM) – this morning was weird, i dunno why i woke up so early…i woke up at 7:10 am o.O and i slept around2-ish….5 hrs sleep…and i normally sleep in and have to wait for parents to wake me up :O
Checked my ms account with store, turns out i went from 20 scrolls in inventory, to 7 scrolls o.O and made 20m yyaayy..and i had set up a store just before leaving to work…let’s hope "those 2" use items sell when i get home =D
lol, my bad, i screwd up on my 1st little assignment today @ work, ><", there goes the bad rep. again lol from my former interviewer/supervisor
but it’s ok i suppose…learn from it xD (><" felt so nervous when i missed out information)
argh, so bored…dunno what to doooo…*listens to shin’s blog page music and remembers the time he was @ saigon’s beach (yeah ^_^, saigon ftw lol) & also remembers the shooting stars moment =o..maybe i’ll post some images of my trip =o! yyeeaaahhhhhhh xD since i’m lagging and sll today x_x (i was lagging this morning when i checked what was sold on ms =o)
yeah! i’ll do that! ^_^ be prepared to see animals & fishes =o!
(oh yeah! i’m half way done fixing the big list of previous diaries o_O!)

April 20th, 2007 (12:52 PM) – Today is job twinning day….and that’s basically a gr9-11 student planning to take co-op next semester/yr going to workplace(s) and observe what students do….this i guess will be fun? (yeahhh, right >_<) i met the gr10 student i was assigned to yesterday at 12 o’clock….10 mins before the school ends I’m actually thinking of editing my old, even I find it hard to read now…

April 17th, 2007 (7:18 AM) – well, today isn’t so bad…although work is really boring cause i don’t wanna work on webpages anymore lol, i wanna make my own instead -_-
i suppose my thoughts today are rather calm and peaceful..and as usual, i can’t seem to stop thinking of that "someone", it’s the usual boredness…maybe it’ll get slightly better when i get home in like 4 hrs and 35 mins….last night’s singing was fun….no sore throat today =P yay! might sing again…..need more songs….gotta get all songs from CD’s wooo!
guess i’m off for now….it’s LUNCH TIME =D

March 30th, 2007 (2:40 PM) – ….i just remembered a good old memory…sitting on one of those eletricity power unit, me and someone i use to really liked, sat there looking for shooting stars..her "bf" didn’t want to go..and i was bored so i went instead…and i actually saw one..but she didn’t lol
(2:27 PM) – well…since the min company ste is down, i can’t get anymore information as we speak…so..i’ma do this blog while i still remember lol….i was going through my good, old photo albums and my old old old OOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDD report cards lol and iwas reading all the comments that were written about their reflection of me and most of the teachers said i stood out because i am different from other kids…i learned slower than others and had difficulties understanding things >.>….and looking at my photos, i look nothing like how i looked when i was younger….no resemblence at all what-so-ever…>.>

March 16th, 2007 (9:51 PM – EST) – wow…i feel like march break just started yesterday T_T but noo, today is the last day already lol…and then it’s back to school + work…..sigh…time flies so damn fast…>.>

March 5th, 2007 (7:53 PM – EST) – well, it’s like 7 mins until dinner lol, and i’m still gonna go ahead and write this before i go xDD, today was my 1st day back to school, and holy crap was is busy lol…ha;f of the room was full of music equipments (a bunch of drums and steel pans all on the 1st half….so over 30 ppl had to sit on the back seats where the "4 credit" students sits >.> and damn lol, i had to walk fomr in snowstormy condition lol…..i was cold as hell, but i didn’t mind lol, i prefer cold then hot anyways lol..(one of reasons why i like water + ice so much lol) got home….ate a bun…and off to maple my way until now lol…and chatted with a few ppl too….anyways, i go eat before my dad starts yelling -_-, bye~

March 2nd, 2007 (12:35 AM – EST) – just alt+tab’d out of MapleStory towrite my litttle diary and upload photos….besides that, i’ve come to a realization of how considerately lucky i am to have a childhood friend who actually understand me and helped me get through hard times back in the days. We helped each other in so many ways ever since kindergarden until gr7 or 8 when he moved, i may have mentiond this earler within this diary, but that’s perfectly fine. i also realized that i’ve done a hell lot of changing emtionally. But then, after crying not too long ago, that help lifted like a ton of darkness within me….not to say it’s all gone, but it helped me realize that it’s ok to cry when you need to….or do what you feel is right….for me…i do regret what i did to my wall that i’m sitting directly to the right of me…but that helped me release the anger and pressure that i’ve built up for the past 6-8 yrs because of the amount of ppl making fun of me, dissing me, being racist.etc. i’ve tried many ways to fit in…trust me…lol..within my community, i’ve changed verbally from "what’s up?" to "wazzap?" to "what’s up dawg?" to "what you sayin dawg?" lol…but i’ve gone back to my original "what’s up?" now, so dun worry lol..i use to use alot of slang also to fit in…but i realized all that is bullshit and wouldn’t help me fit in…so might as well go with the flow right?
lol….in can ask me question and i would either answer with a) nothing b) *shrug* C) i don’t know or d) most common simplest answer – yes/no but over a chat or something…you won’t even know it’s me…..and ths is because my stupid subconscience is always going and going……i knew about this because of last yr’s english…where we had free write…and wrote w/e we want..and how to write it….so spelling/grammar/puncuality/cap/informal/cussing writing didn’t count…neat eh? lol..cause the teacher didn’t care..just write w/e you’re thinking…lol…so 1 day i literally wrote : "i’m fucking sleepy…..wanna go home n fall asleep"…it was pretty fun though…even though i knew i couldn’t pass…and got like 32..and wanted to skip exam..but teacher told me to try..and i did, but i still ended up failing i was telling myself "that didn’t make much of a damn difference"….man….i was going through my photo albums and realized i look nothing like how i look when i was younger….and least my bro has resemblance (is that how it’s spelt? lol) but me, absolutely none…..anyways, i’m getting…off to bed…night…

February 28th, 2007 (4:17 PM – EST) – ooh..the skill lol…writing on the exact same time about 2 days ago hehe, i’ve just about finished my duties / work at work now….so i’ll chill until 5 o’clock and then walk home lol…what to do…>.> i would update my blog photos, but that would take a long while….i’ll do it at home…

February 26th, 2007 (4:17 PM – EST) – wweellll….so…just finished my doing my work’s work lol..during lunch, technically, my "co-workers" and supervisor was telling my supervisor and other co-worker not to spoil me whe i’m already spoiled like crazy..but shhhh, they don’t know that xDD it’s home time in about 75 mins lol..then another 30 mins to walk home…..all alone..without my music (no battery , dad took the other one out of pocket) >.> oh well lol..i’ll see how thigs work out here at work….another 4 months left until june…..lots of work to be done yet….oh….and i’ve been on maplestory once i get home lol….

(1:28 PM – EST) – well, I’m at work typing this now lol….i noticed the timezone for this computer is Pacific time lol…doing some organzing and seeing which links works….which site still exist.whic doesn’t O_o lol…well, back to work…3 hours and 30 mins left, gotta go, bb

February 22nd, 2007 (6:49 PM – EST) – how ironic…..i’m getting lotto 6/49 #’s for my dad and it’s 6:49 pm lol…well…today is my FIRST day of work…was quite boring…had to organize binders….put papers here and there…had lunch…continued..then moved "my computer" to "my desk" lol..well..the computer for me is all set up….along with the laptop it’s hooked up to….interesting…i plugged the ethernet….and no cable connection o.O lol…it’s suppose to work damit! lol….guess i’ll find out tomorrow……walking back from work took an hour…well, 50 min…..i’ll bring my watch tomorrow and time it…..damn my feet fucking hurts…haven’t walked for an hr for a very long while……anyways…..i’m trying to fix my original computer to have a better resolution and colors……640×480 + Low (4 bit) is extremely shitty….i go now….bb

February 20th, 2007 (3:40 PM – EST) – this mornings interview went okay i…even though i was very nervous, talked quietly and almost forgot my jacket at my interviewer’s office lol…i think she noticed though….but i was rather calm being nervous…came back from interview..and it was lunch break in terms of school (3rd period)…i didn’t go to 1st and 2nd period lol… i finished lunch..changed into the normal school clothes (and not the dress shirt i wore to interview)..and headed to school…and now i’m back from school and i’m going to need to work my butt off today…..all assignments are due today…otherwise, no placement for me on thursday >.> so, i better get cracking…

February 19th, 2007 (3:54 PM – EST) – well, i’m home now lol….home sweet…..still nervous about my interview tomorrow though….can’t blame me though…IT’S MY FIRST TIME >.> hope it all goes wel…..and that i don’t pause on questions when they asked me….like i did on the mock / practise interview I had in school…but i do know that i can remain calm most of the my nervousness doesn’t kick inmy interview >.>..well, i guess i finish my school i had assigned last week….it’s due on wednesday…and i believe most of my interview stuff is due on wednesday….then if all goes well…i should start my placement on thursday…then it’s no more school (except for every other Mondays i’m in school…dunno what’s that for though)

(10:26 AM – EST) – well….I’m at school atm, doing assignment while writing this thing…>.>..i email-ed my company….about confirming my interview time and all >.> so nervous lol…well, it’s time for me to get off the library comp and go for lunch soon

February 18th, 2007 (5:42 PM – EST) – well….i’ve been doing quite a lot of thinking…bout my past as always >.>….years go by in a blank of an eye…..just like this diary i started…although it has been transfered from my former email address (, this was suppose to be the orignal email address to begin with….if only i never forgot the confidential info for this email lol……it’s already been 3 years since this email account has been inactive….and is also 3 years old lol…and just like that….i’ve known a couple friends (online and in real life) for at least 6 years…..crazy….(you know who you are, so no need to mention names) lol, i almost made another section for this diary entry…then i remembered it’s still the 18th lol…..i do alot of thinking…….yup….that’s me…>.> i may even sound crazy at times (cause i talk to myself, which is a horrible habit, but i only do this when i’m all alone) but sometimes, when i walk home, i talk to myself to make sure i remember what homework i have….and that’s natural isn’t it? o.O lol…..i remember this one time…when this lady/woman didn’t have an mp3 or nano player, and she was shouting out loud as she walked about her problems or something…(not to be racist but) she was black…and she was walking in spadina / gerrad area (for those outside of canada, this is a pure chinese community)….so everyone was staring at her as she walked and shouted >.>….anyways….i went praying this morning….and holy crap..the place was literally packed with people…..crazy….we got free foood from the praying temple….lol…..i went and got like 3-4 plates of noodles and a plate of rice…and now i’m hungry again LOL..(yes, i’ma big eater) >.> it can’t be helped! well, it’s time for me to chill and play ps1..

(1:00 AM – EST) – happy chinese new year! yay…..this week has been quite a week! so much work and filling tons of forms for co-op placement and such….man..i never knew it was that hard! but…wednesday wasn’t good for me….gott into arguement with my dad..then he used words….and so did i…..and then he put me down (as always, the only stradegy he thinks is best) so i got pissed off…and then i cried afterwards >.>……alex, i now remember how i got mad…and then punched the wall (and broke the wall of course). it’s because people has put my down and dissing me so much (i’ve been dissed and made fun of for about 8 years now)…that my heart had…feeling of a huge rock or deep down darkness within me..after crying about 3-4 years ago (when i punched the wall)….that helped a little……but this time..even though i only cried for about 5-10 mins (compared to hours and hours from the last time)…i thought of my deepest, most painfulest times….and forced it all out…and holy fuck i’ll say this – I FEEL A LOT BETTER…..although it wasn’t all of the negativities, crying out some of them really me….i guarantee it…if not…go find your family and cry out to them…..or even your bf/gf….or even just a friend…simply writing it out (or typing), telling someone (by chat/email/phone), blasting the music + singing/yelling to your hearts content…..all these are common ways to help…well….it’s time for me to got bed soon…..oh..and my computer…we brought it to the store AGAIN….they lied and didn’t change the power supply on it..sigh…..guess it’ll be another week or we get it on Wednesday…hope i get it back soon…so a) my dad stops worrying about the computer so much (he worries more than me..and it’s my computer >.>) b) so i get off this old, 6 GB, crappy ram and it can’t even handle msn space without a long lag and c) so i can play MAPLESTORY AGAIN YAY lol…’s 1:27 now….and i’m tired from playing the Wii system at my cousin’s house…..boy i burned a lot of energy on those games…*yawn*..good night i guess…

February 11th, 2007 (7:15 PM – EST) – today..i worked on the final assignments that i haven’t completed yesterday..and i also did the voice mail assignment for my co-op class..and holy crap i think i failed can hear my nervousness as i spoke horrible….even when i practiced out loud many times, i get nervous on the actual thing….oh well lol, i’ll get better in time i hope….besides that, i got so bored i decided to add a few people to my friend’s list…hope you guys don’t mind.

February 8th, 2007 (7:54 PM EST) – well, today wasn’t a bad day…finished my "journal collage" which is basically a bunch of words/pics that represent you best…geez..i wonder how my placement will be for co-op…might need to ask my mom/dad to drive me there (yes, i’m 18 turning 19 WITHOUT a G1 / G2, very sad, i know) but i am going to get g1…hoping i don’t need to wkr within the marhc break preiod..and what’s with my spelling toay…it’s so choppy…geez…i wonder if i am able toput a video here to play anyways, that’s akl ofor today..bye bye

February 6th, 2007 (4:21 PM EST) – Wowie, yesterday i had to fill A BUNCH of forms for co-op (co-operative education, for those who don’t know: co-op is a 2 or 4 credit course that allows the person taking the program to have work exp for whichever career or field you would like to go into, you don’t get paid for these..maybe only if you stayed extra hrs in the workplace)… one of my friends said to me "If you can handle the course or pass the course, i’ll lose faith in mankind" lol, and damn was he right lol…this course is a fast-paced course and moves fairly quick…but i’m kinda the slow-paced is something new and somewhat exciting for me…a new experience….oh..and my computer you may ask? I’m in progress of checking what the problem is by asking my bro + his friends, and asking other people such as other school computer experts…and so far…..2 possible solutions : 1. install win2k..and if that works..make a clean install of xp 2. my power supply is fucked up (again LOL)….anyways, i’ma go check on computer..and do my homework….and one last thing : I MISS PLAYING MAPLESTORY ..ta ta for now..

February 4th,2007 (1:15 PM) – in the past 3 days, i’ve been playing Breath of fire 4, rpg on ps1….really fun …i beat the whole game already lol….the time says "98:56" lol…but the game allows you to go back before killing the last boss and continue doing w/e you like, explore, fish, play minigames.etc….i started a new file to ensure thati can get everything i couldn’t get the 1st time around lol…i believe i’ma quarter way there lol…..oh, and my bro tried fixing my comp…but couldn’t….and then my parents say "ask this friend, that friend" geez >.> parents are so cheap lol..just like the majority of most chinese parents …..anyways…lol..i’m still uploading stuff onto mediamax…i believe this will be the last long upload lol..oh, and speaking of upload…i uploaded MS and MS patch to my travel drive lol..i just remembeered that i didn’t go to the interview for my co-op thingy….i dunno if i can go tomorrow to check…i’ll see when i ask the co-op teachers…..oh, and i’m going to be finishing the geo website for the was deadline last thurs….but i got an extention….so lucky…well, i’ma go work on it now….then finish my uploading…then i’ma go play more BOF4…until next time diary, bye

February 1st,2007 (2:37 PM EST) – today, i handed part 1 of my culminating activity for my web design class LOL, it’s so last min work…today is the last day of 1st semester..and i’m lucky to have assignments extended this long lol…no one else does :O lol….alright, i’ma do a poll whether i should take co-op or not….so far 1 yes and 1 no lol

January 31st, 2007 (11:35 PM EST) – Well well well….it seems over the past..almost year since I’ve written stuff here…damn..changes here and there for me… I can say that I’ve done the 2nd part of my tagline to this blog thing…and that’s not to skip as much……..(notice that I now type full sentences and proper grammer? lol it won’t last long until I loose this habit xD) and the vacation I mentioned almost a year ago? Damn, i can tell you I can remember it like I just finished going on it even as we speak….it was that AWESOME lol…..we spent 1 week in saigon, vietnam living with my cousins…it was pretty hot there….and i mean sweating hot…it’s like 40 degrees there…then we went to Bangkok, Thailand and Pattaya, Thailand…Bangkok was awesome with all the aligator, dolphins, whales, elephant shows…really nice lol I still remember one of the elehant shows where there were 3 elephants – 2 medium size, one on the left and one on the right. In the middle was a smaller one..and this smaller one lol, was so cute and funny..everytime the music was on, the little one would shake his/her head left,right,eft,right.etc ina fast past motion and shaking its butt the same way too lol it was so hilarious..the whole audience was laughing…OOHHH LMAO there was another elephant show…where elephants performed and they threw balls into hoops/baskets and all…and then..they asked the audience to go down and try stuff with the elephants…there was this medium elephant that gave ppl massages on their back sholders, and one random dude got his penis lol..then you see this HUGE elephant walking slowly towards him..the elephants were about to switch places and the dude sees the HUGE elephantand he gets up and starts to come back to his seat LOL..hilarious…just hilarious…well well, it’s gonna take a long while to tell the whole story…so….i won’t discuss all of it here…and stop telling xDD lol
Well, for today…i worked on my homework LOL yes i did….but i couldn’t some other part of it…don’t know how to link stuff to .doc files…so i might be screwd with that part…so yeah….i’ll be handing / showing my teacher my work……hen my partner’s work…which i couldn’t do with the .doc yeah…i’ll try to write as often as i can…untol next time good ol’ diary =)

March 10th, 2006 (11:20 PM EST) – fuk i keep forgettin to do this..diary thing…but matters not…IM GOIN ON VACATION YAY!! IT’S MY FUKIN FIRST TIME ONA PLANE AND AND AND GOING OUTSIDE OF CANADA!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Gonna be leavin by 4-5 pm..after 40 mins… dam im excited!! i believe my destination is Vietnam, Hong Kong then Thailand, but i wont kno till im there…

October 27th, 2005 (12:18 AM – ET) – HOLY FUK i haven’t used this thing in MONTHS lol….well it’s bak again =p
Dam, so many fukin things in my life has past…..gettin pissed off…punching the wall…breakin the wall…..endless stuff..but besides that, it still even today bothers me. No matter who i tell my probs to…it still always remains inside…. perhaps this is the bad part of being "super" emtional… I litterally can’t feel much emotions now… maybe jus friendship and a gap of hope..the rest is pure darkness and hatred…. maybe i need a fukin punchin bag so i can punch the crap outa myself… goddamit besides all that bullsh1tness.. i believe i still have feelins for her altho i’m pretty much killed that feelin…sumhow…my heart jus doesnt feel normal….it knos that the body is lyin to itself >_>
lol i may sound crazy here…but within these 7 yrs ive known her, i jus wanna kiss her forEVER lol
Dam, i jus cant believe how fast time flies by…i can remember when, where how we met, like it was 2 mins ago lol to tell u the truth..i really don’t kno what i like bout her… maybe it’s jus cuz we known each other and she’s the only girl i can "actaully" talk to…without any hesitation or any shyness at all..
Well…maybe i should go bak to the way i use 2 be…. stop gamin and be a nerd >_< i still have it in me lol…it’s jus that gamin help me hide that side of me…and that side leans towards the "no life" side to my opinion…it’s true!! nerds go skool..get home…do hwk hwk hwk, dinner, shower more hwk/wk then sleep and then the whole cycle again… i’ll lever be like that…SIMILIAR but never that way…
Until next time…cya good old diary =)

July 9th (10:50 pm – ET) – today was fun, versed my cuzin in DDR, lost like crazy lol..but doesnt matter, good leg exercise -_- today is the start of MS (MapleStory) I’ve registered at my cuzin’s downloading……=)

July 6th (12:12 AM – ET) – wooo…summer skool alll the way in R.H.H.S. (Richmond Hill HighSkool) was mad opinion WORSE then MCI’s english class..geez..guess it wont get more interestin anyway…besides….it’s ENGLISH..1 of the most boring and *silent* type classes…..

July 3rd (2:11 pm – ET) – really bored…. been off runescape for 2 days…so happy..after playing for 2 YEARS STRAIGHT im finally gettin a break lol.. omg..i SOOOOOO suck at pool now (not swimming pool, pool table ) overall i only shot like 3 stripe balls that i need to get…. 2 on the 1st game and 1 on the last game… *sigh* need to get my pool table fixed .. it’s so slant and the basement has cracks..

July 1st (12:40 AM – ET) – wooo…..been months i havent touched this blog -_- but ya…im *finally* gonna let go of it..after all those months…everytime i think bout it…it use to hurt so much…now..i no longer care much…i only care to a certain extent…no like i use 2 care bout….this relationship is definately fading for me…even when she told me 2 write sumthin sweet on her yrbk like i use 2…i didnt what 2 write…i had a blank mind…so i jus went for the basic stuff….. wonderland on the 26th was a blast…lol…1st ride my and my cuzin’s went to..was DROPZONE lol…i yelled my lungs out from the high pressure x.o n other rides also.. the water slide was wicked..but i ended up with a bleedin nose cuz the water must have damaged it >.< i never had so much fun lol..this yr was definately the best yr yet…

March 20 (9:17 PM – ET) – woo….been a month jus like that..without even knowin….time sure flies… soooooooo bored…yesterday was quite fun….pool was fun ^_^…..default loses here n there….:P..2morro is bak 2 skool la :(…but it matters not! this semester is the
best!! :D:D! mmm…..i dun even kno if ppl read this lol…..o well……i’ll keep this here 4 safekeepin..jus like my gr.7 portfolio and stories i’ve written……….yet..i still cant…..but i have started to slowly lettin go..each day that passes by…

Feb. 18 (1:13 AM – ET) – mmm…whata borin day as usual…god…i gotta stop thinkin bout it….i honestly think that we should go our own ways….im pretty sure there is no way she’ll ever leave him….so…y am i still hangin on 2 a dead relationship….? I should really let go…..

Feb. 14 (11:45 PM – ET (V-DAY) – man….i really should get outa this lil love/god-bro’s killin me juz hearin her talk bout him like almost 24/7…..she doesnt talk about no1 else..n nothin else..i mean really…from the very start..i thought i could handle this n that..n i still like her "as i type rite now"…….but now…it seems everythin is fallin apart……i think i should try n get out asap….b4 i do n e more harm 2 myself…

January 12th, 2005 – 1:47 am (ET) – wow….been 6 months ive havent written on this…diary….
n e ways….got into another fite wif dad…ironicly…it’s always him….hardly wif my mom…damit…he neva means not carin…n i "honestly" do want him 2 not care THAT much…
i mean like reallly…..parents calls "freedom" when more then half my life ive been a pet kinda thing…doin this n that they tell me… fuhckin 16 now…goin on 17…im pretty sure i SHOULD haf my own freedom….not "their" version of freedom….fuhck…each day i seem 2 b changin….hard 2 believe what ive already changed 2 due 2 parents…..
geez…parents r like everythin…they were the 1 who got u into this world (n all that bs)..then "o, u should respect us" n blah blah blah….how can we respect em when half of our lives we HAVE 2 b like pets….."o, go vacuum….o, go sweep the floor.."… man…sum parents r desperate enuff n force their kids 2 do "o, go wash dishes or u wont b able 2 (get/do w/e)"… overall…PARENTS r the 1’s that create and/or destroy our lives wif "their" own life style…n how they lived.etc…WE DONT FREAKIN WANT THAT…fhck….this is a new generation…not the old skool sh!t…

June 5th, 2004 – 10:55 am (ET) – god…all my life ive been hurt..physically…n emotionally..
everytime i think, i get depressed…every time i sleep n dream, i feel depressed…the visions of pictures hauntin my every thought..makin me depressed yet angry…..makes me just wanna give everythin up…life itself…

June 1st, 2004 – 5:36 pm (ET) – fire…….i was thinkin of burnin myself…crazy eh? ya….im so fed up wif life…then afterwards…i saw sumthin i never expected…not this early…where everythin falls apart yet again…as my heart has been broken once again its …too painful 2 think…..2 cry…now…even 2 move on…the point where i saw him n her "do" each other…

May 31st, 2004 – 7:00 pm (ET) – fuckin bs…seems like the results of blood test states that im low on Vitiman B12…so i gotta take pills 4 this shit..n it helps "improve memory" fuckni shit..i DONT wanna improve my memory..i already it’s a fucked up life…this is gonna fuck it up more….

May 23rd, 2004 – 10:40 pm (ET) – fuck this…1st parents torture me wif all these dam educational stuff just bcuz im doin nothin in skool cuz of what my dad said in the past that fuhckin broke my heart n made me cry all nite on that day n couldnt sleep…then explain more sheit…i just cant stand it n neither can if they wanna b serious, i`ll b serious…im no longer afraid of n e thin…i have nothin 2 lose n e more..too strong emtions….fearless..careless….lifeless…….if this goes too far…then i guess i have no choice…it will b the end of me…….n then they start a fight wif my bro. wtf is wrong wif em? 1st me then him? we all know they want whats best 4 us.."but" we know n our on opinion whats best 4 us….4 1 person justice is peace n 4 another..justice may b violence..we cant do n e thin bout stuff like that…

May 20th, 2004 – 12:14 am (ET) – well to begin with..i never really thought of sumthing like this..until recently…so..i jus thought i would put my throughts up here….. in life itself, i`ve come along lots of things. from strivin n strugglin 2 angry, 2 depressed. 4 those dun me (the majority of ppl) im pretty easy-goin, i treasure everythin part of memory i can grasp on. mostly it`s depression. i got friends that rnt so true 2 me, they go out n play n all n dun even call me out wif em. sum friends they r. i’ve actually learned alot. n also grown more emtional each day sumhow. i play lots of games 2 cure my depression, boredom n 2 kill time
skool use 2 b good 2 me..bout after what ive experienced from 1 sayin of my father (which begun all the emtional probs [family probs]) made me have no choice but 2 close down most of my doors 2 skool, therefore droppin my marks which result in failin grades, but im thinkin of droppin out of skool.
bak 2 the so-called-friends part. ya..they hang around all 2gether. n currently, im the last 2 know 1 of biggest events. yet im 1 of those "close" friends, n the skool has known b4 me which is pretty sad compared the friendship line. n e ways, most importantly, within this group of friends, there’s this 1 gurl (who shall b nameless) that i`ve known 4 quite a long while now (6 yrs long enuff?) well, i`ve pretty much fallen in love wif her since…i`d say grade yrs likin her…but apparently..she has liked 4 guys. the 1st 1 she liked for 3-4 months? (march-june im guessin?) then she liked another guy for 4 months after the summer break n also broke up. currently she likes sum guy n another guy also likes her, all i know is that she thinks that the relationship wif the guy will last long n trust him meanwhile the other guy is always around her, walkin wif to n from skool. but i can tell they r more of a match (i love her n im sayin that..weird huh?)
not so weird, y? cuz i want her 2 b happy. as long as she`s happy, im happy but few exceptions….i cant stand 2 c her holdin hands wif another guy..playin games like truth-n-dare is fine, that i dun mind..but i wish i was there physically.
me seein her hold hands wif another guy just makes me jealous cuz ive known her 4 so long n couldnt get a chance 2 go out or hold her hand once within the time period of 6 yrs n she has known em for only 3-4 month (1 only a few weeks now) n they r able 2 hold hands n all…n um, u have helped me when i needed it n i really appreiate it, but yet, brings too much pain 2 me…sry.. well..this sums up everythin…havin said all this..u all should understand how i feel 2wards life itself n how i can actually still strive 2 keep alive…i would really like 2 thank aly n katie 4 really bein there 4 me when im in need 2 support me n direct me bak on track. once again. thank u..
hear me out k? if u really love sum1 (n im not talkin bout the player type love), have the guts 2 tell em how u feel, if they dun know or understand, then try 2 show em how u feel by helpin em out.