I knew a day like this would come, and I hoped it wouldn’t…to be quite honest, I honestly "hate" my bro & my dad, I swear, their annoy-ance and personality are basically the same….I dunno how I can tell but, that’s what I see & and it’s weird to explain it
but, from what my bro just discussed with my dad downstairs (and since I have good ears I can actually hear a bit of what they said and I hate to like to hear things -_-) they talked and talked, then my bro semi-yelled @ me and said "your either finding a job or applying to w/e school or you’re not getting internet until I’m home…blah blah blah"
jesus fucking christ, it’s not like I didn’t try, I’ve been fucking researching online based on my official Transcript from school on ALL my school grades and seeing what interests me best and fucking walking around places and asking friends to help look out for places that are hiring ppl
and then there’s my dad that’s freaking rushing me to do the exactly the 2 same god damn thing and then asking & rushing me to help him finish the home basement, fix the wall, paint, blah blah jeez, sorry but I can’t multitask @ this..
every now and then, they said "your just playing games & chatting & talking online, it doesn’t help you…blah blah blah" I’m like thinking "okay, so I’ll just fucking punch another hole in the fucking wall again? yeah, thanks"
I play games and chat & talk because it makes me feel better, laugh, be happy…and plus, they don’t stay in my room 24/7 do they? 80% of the time they don’t even have a clue what I’m doing, if they do, then I would be like "okay fine w/e I’ll do it"
honestly, I’ve tried not playing games and not chatting and talking, I literally had a headache cause I was thinking about this and that, and that..even my favorite thing to do, listening to music and singing @ home doesn’t help the headache, walking outside to listen to nature doesn’t fucking help either, and that’s my last resort to try to chill out
and then I decided to do this so I don’t get pissed off as much
writing my thoughts out
for those who wants to read, go ahead, for those who don’t oh well, I don’t care
if never started any of this diary/blogging, trust me, I would have gone insane ages ago
I know what are my strengths and weaknesses after being in school and actually testing out with a few of my friends
everyday, I honestly do learn something new about myself and that’s what I’m trying to find…I find out all kinds of stuff while I’ve been home (and yes I knew before my brother + his gf/my parents told me) about my bad habits, BUT, I don’t tink they know that pick-up things pretty quick
in the past month, I’ve pretty much learned about 70% about myself in-terms of manners & personality to certain things / good/bad habits
I’m sorry to say, but I like to keep things bottled up in real life and tend not say it out load, I like to keep my own thoughts and opinions to myself
**well, it’s a factor that my bro might eventually read this, just to say, just expressing what I feel atm, so, don’t take this too seriously, this is here to blow off steam, nothing more