today, I’ve literally been in an hour & 15 mins of lecture
luckily, now that I’m able to actually spread tears, although I’m still keeping stuff inside of myself, I’ve basically eliminated the fact of being pissed off and then punching the wall in my room & making a hole about 3 years ago (which I’ve had to fix)

you know, I’m actually wishing my ears aren’t so good at hearing things….my hearing sense is pretty good…and I hate it
although 80% of the time I don’t actually remember what’s said…the other 20% is pretty good at catching things, once caught, I’ll remember it until the day I die

like I’ll have a grudge on them…..then afterwards, I just decide to let it go eventually..and just think "oh well, fuck it" and just move on

but I realized that I don’t like telling my parents or even my brother anything about my future plans, I don’t know why, I just can’t, I was trying so hard to say it throughout the whole lecture with my parents

maybe I’m just the type of person who likes to type / writing everything out instead of talking it out, or even crying it out now that it’s actually easier to cry compared to the last 10 years

you know what? I actually feel really good deep down inside now….like I’m really happy..why is that….?